


Unprepared

by velocitygrass



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Episode: s01e04 Thirty-Eight Minutes, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-03-10
Updated: 2009-03-10
Packaged: 2018-09-15 18:19:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9249947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/velocitygrass/pseuds/velocitygrass
Summary: Rodney's thoughts as they try to revive John in "38 minutes".





	

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to neevebrody for the beta!
> 
> Written for McSheplets challenge #40: Season 1

Rodney walked back and forth, as unable to watch as he was to stay away.

Sheppard couldn't die.

Rodney tried to ignore the fact that he was already dead, that they didn't fight to keep him alive, but tried to bring him _back_ to life. And they couldn't fail.

Rodney didn't know when this happened, when someone else whom he'd known for only a few weeks had become so important to him.

It wasn't that they were incredibly close. They were friendly, but he wouldn't call Sheppard a _friend_. And yet over time something had developed between them that Rodney hadn't expected, had in fact not even noticed until now when the idea of Carson stopping and looking up at them in defeat was more terrifying than facing a Wraith.

Rodney didn't get why this meant so much to him. He'd worked for the military for years and even though he'd been more or less sheltered in various labs, he'd witnessed accidents and been to two funerals that had been the result of experiments gone fatally wrong. He'd heard Sheppard's story about how Sumner died. And with the Wraith woken up and hungry and an unexplored, potentially dangerous city as their new home, Rodney was preparing himself to see a lot more death.

But he wasn't prepared for this.

There was a whirlwind of memories in his mind: Sheppard leaning against his desk in his lab in Antarctica, drawling about space ships. Sheppard joining him for lunch uninvited and without asking. Then there was coming to Atlantis, which Rodney could admit to himself had been just a bit scary, but at Sheppard's side he'd felt reasonably safe. After that, Sheppard had sought him out every now and then and Rodney had done the same as if they were in this together, the two of them specifically.

Rodney remembered how he'd heard about Sheppard asking Teyla and Ford to join his team. He'd wondered with a hint of annoyance if the Major had wanted to build his own little fan club, but then Sheppard had come and casually said he wanted a scientist on his team, someone who could help them find a ZPM and get them out of trouble and since Rodney was the smartest guy around... Rodney had spluttered and possibly flushed and had agreed without really considering what it would mean to not only be on a team, but to be on the number one team.

Rodney realized that this was often the case with Sheppard. He made Rodney want to _do_ something or _be_ someone that Sheppard approved of. Like today in the jumper—it couldn't have been more than thirty minutes ago—when Sheppard had told him to stop freaking out in his own words. Rodney had felt bad that Sheppard, so in pain from the bug on his neck, had to be the one to tell him that he knew just how screwed they were. He'd kept his cool, had focused Rodney and had come up with the idea that _had_ to save his life.

Rodney looked over to where Sheppard still lay, heart completely still.

He couldn't die. They were a team, and Rodney hated to admit it, but he didn't think that he really knew what that meant before Sheppard had asked him to be on _his_ team. He suddenly thought back to Carter and how he'd dismissed her feelings about Teal'c. He was beginning to understand now.

He hardly knew this man, but already he'd become someone whom Rodney didn't want to lose. Their relationship didn't seem different from many other relationship Rodney had had with acquaintances and colleagues, but in this moment it felt like nothing that Rodney had experienced before.

He didn't understand it, and he _wanted_ to understand it. He wanted to explore it and have the time to find out why they kept choosing each other when they wanted to share something, why they trusted each other, why they fit together so easily when Rodney had never really fit in anywhere he'd been.

Sheppard just couldn't leave him like this. His heart had to start beating again, so that he could drawl at Rodney or tease him or pester him with one thing or another, and then Rodney would get his chance to find out what this was between them.

Rodney stilled for a moment, looking over, staring at the flat line on the monitor. He _had_ to have this chance.

Then it suddenly happened, and Rodney could hardly believe it even when Carson told them Sheppard would be okay. He stepped aside, relief flooding him until he threatened to burst with it.

Sheppard would live.

He'd open his eyes and look at Rodney and smirk at him, and Rodney would get his chance to figure out why it meant so much to him that this man survived.

Surely, now that the worst was over it would be easy.


End file.
